Feedback can trigger a strong nervous-system response, especially when it is unexpected, vague, or delivered with intense emotion. Your first task is not to respond perfectly. It is to gather accurate information and choose the next useful action.
Separate information from identity
Pause, take notes, and summarize: “I’m hearing that the analysis was accurate, but the executive summary was too detailed. Is that correct?” You may ask for time: “I want to consider this carefully. Can I follow up tomorrow?”
Convert broad feedback into examples
If told to be “more professional,” “more flexible,” or “less intense,” ask which behavior was observed, what impact it had, and what alternative would meet expectations.
Use situation + behavior + impact + request
Try: “In yesterday’s handoff, the deadline changed without an update. I planned around the original date and the client waited. Please message me when a committed deadline changes.” Focus on the work, not assumed motives.
Turn feedback into action
Key takeaways
- Gather information before reacting.
- Ask for observable examples and desired alternatives.
- Give feedback about behavior and impact, not character.
